What Does Abuse Include?
Abuse may begin with behaviors that may easily be dismissed or downplayed such as name-calling, threats, possessiveness, or distrust. Abusers may apologize profusely for their actions or try to convince the person they are abusing that they do these things out of love or care. However, violence and control always intensifies over time with an abuser, despite the apologies. What may start out as something that was first believed to be harmless (e.g., wanting the victim to spend all their time only with them because they love them so much) escalates into extreme control and abuse (e.g., threatening to kill or hurt the victim or others if they speak to family, friends, etc.). Some examples of abusive tendencies include but are not limited to:
Telling the victim that they can never do anything right
Showing jealousy of the victim’s family and friends and time spent away
Accusing the victim of cheating
Keeping or discouraging the victim from seeing friends or family members
Embarrassing or shaming the victim with put-downs
Controlling every penny spent in the household
Taking the victim’s money or refusing to give them money for expenses
Looking at or acting in ways that scare the person they are abusing
Controlling who the victim sees, where they go, or what they do
Dictating how the victim dresses, wears their hair, etc.
Stalking the victim or monitoring their victim’s every move (in person or also via the internet and/or other devices such as GPS tracking or the victim’s phone)
Preventing the victim from making their own decisions
Telling the victim that they are a bad parent or threatening to hurt, kill, or take away their children
Threatening to hurt or kill the victim’s friends, loved ones, or pets
Intimidating the victim with guns, knives, or other weapons
Pressuring the victim to have sex when they don’t want to or to do things sexually they are not comfortable with
Forcing sex with others
Refusing to use protection when having sex or sabotaging birth control
Pressuring or forcing the victim to use drugs or alcohol
Preventing the victim from working or attending school, harassing the victim at either, keeping their victim up all night so they perform badly at their job or in school
